Wellbeing
Pleasure Essentials for Partner Play
We're here for a good time. Sex Therapist Aleks Trkulja shares some fun new additions for your bedside table.
Aleksandra Trkulja
Certified Sex Therapist & Clinical Counsellor
0 minute read
Published: January 2023
Origin: Australia
Toys aren't just for alone time.
As your resident sex therapist, I have covered how to get the most out of your solo self pleasure sessions in depth. And I want to encourage you to review the pleasure essentials you use in partner play.
For most of you, those essentials will simply be your bodies, and some spit. Which is resourceful, sure; but it could be more hygienic and pleasurable.
What are pleasure essentials? Your pleasure essentials will be unique to you, your partner, and the pleasure you share together.
So to give you an idea, I’ll take you through my pleasure essentials.
Lubricant
Did you know that the natural vaginal secretions are not supposed to be adequate lubricant for penetrative sex?
This is because as a person with a vulva, discharge is influence by hormonal changes throughout the month, and can also be impacted by stress.
My favourite silicone lube is Maude´s Shine lube.
Maude - Shine Silicone
Muade´s silicone lubricant enhances the ease and comfort of intimate sexual activity with long-lasting lubrication, even under water. Features a locking pump top in 8- and 4 fl. oz. sizes. Safe for use with all condoms. Do not use with silicone devices. Shine silicone's water-safe, silicone-based formula is made to last. Never sticky, it rinses away with warm water and mild soap.
Toys
Whatever you use to self pleasure, include it in partner play. And if that means toys then bring all the toys!!
When I am engaging in partner play, I will always bring 2-4 toys. I usually lay them out ahead of time and talk people through why I like them, or how they can be used to facilitate mine, or mutual pleasure. Usually people enjoy hearing about how you can experience pleasure.
If anyone gets intimidated by you introducing toys, be inquisitive. What is it about toys that intimidate them? Observe how this issue has digressed away from your pleasure, toward their insecurity. You’re allowed to not go ahead if you feel like someone isn’t going to prioritise your pleasure.
I want to normalise BYO-ing your sex toys to everything from a casual hookup, to sex with a long term partner.
Right now I am absolutely loving Maude´s Spot vibrator!
Maude - Spot Vibrator
Maude´s soft-touch spot is made with 100% platinum-grade silicone (RoHs passed / FDA grade) and is a discreet, easy-to-use, 5-speed vibrator. spot has a battery indicator light that blinks when the battery is low, fades in and out when charging, and shines bright once fully charged. Comes with a natural canvas travel pouch perfect for storing the device.
Safer Sex Practices
We’re all out here trying to have a good, fun time, and one way to ensure that is to practice safer sex.
An essential to my pleasure, is knowing what we’ve put in place to keep us safe from unwanted pregnancy or STI’s. This is an absolute necessity to your sexual health.
So discuss the use of contraception, condoms, or dams ahead of a sexual interaction.
A dam is a barrier you create to prevent STI’s. You can make one from a condom by cutting it into a rectangle. You can then place the dam over body parts before putting your mouth or fingers there.
This might seem like it’s just for those having casual sex, but if you’re not on contraception in a long term relationship, this can be an essential.
You can learn how people like to be touched by asking:
“How does this feel?”
“More pressure or less?”
“Where do you want to be touched, and how?”
These are some of my pleasure essentials for partner play, which ones do you also use? Need more of? Or are curious to integrate?
The best way to incorporate pleasure essentials with partners (whether it’s casual or long-term), is to communicate about it before hand. So grab your partners, and have a chat about your pleasure essentials.
Aleksandra Trkulja
Certified Sex Therapist & Clinical Counsellor
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