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Good Vibes Edit: A Guide to Shopping for Toys
Buzz, buzz... welcome to the self-love club, with a beginner's guide to all things vibes from sex therapist Aleksandra Trkulja.
Aleksandra Trkulja
0 minute read
So you want to introduce toys into the bedroom?
Good for you!
It can be daunting though if you're a newbie, so here’s my guide to why you should, what to use, and how to discuss bringing them into bed with a partner.
Why should I be using sex toys?
Here are 7 reasons why sex toys deserve to be in the bedroom.
+ They build sexual arousal
A lot of us assume ours, and other people’s sexual arousal, should be immediate.
This is a lie. Sexual arousal takes time to build. I’m talking up to an hour to be fully aroused for some.
One way to play with building arousal (we’re not rushing, we’re enjoying), is to use sex toys on a partner, or yourself.
+ They can be used anywhere on the body
When building arousal, we’re not chucking a toy on the clit and expecting orgasms to happen in 60 seconds.
Instead, you can get creative and use sex toys to explore erogenous zones: the lips, necks, ears, breasts/chest/nipples, inner thighs, genitals, anus, and feet.
Slowing down allows us to build pleasure. Which is why we bother doing the thing in the first place, right?
+ They’re tools for understanding our sexual preferences
By using sex toys on erogenous zones, you learn what feels good for yourself or someone else.
Using a sex toy on someone else’s body allows you to give them pleasure, and learn more about what feels good for them. You might notice that certain pace, pressure, movement patterns, or intensity feels absolutely incredible.
You might like to guide someone else’s hand as they hold a toy to show them what feels good for you.
+ They make us cum
Yes I said it. Sometimes we just need a toy in the mix for an orgasm to happen. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Denying someone a sex toy during partnered sex because you’re threatened by them— feeling you should make them cum without it, or think it’s embarrassing to include it— is an incredible waste of time that you, or someone you’re having sex with, could have spent orgasming.
+ They take the pressure off of our bodies
Sometimes our bodies don’t function to the standard our busy little minds expect. Vaginas get dry, penises don’t get hard. It happens!
Integrating a toy into partner play means you take the pressure off your body to constantly perform, and can enjoy pleasure through another means.
+ They broaden the sexual repertoire
One of the main reasons people lose interest in sex with long term partners is because the sexual repertoire has become predictable.
So stay curious about pleasure by introducing sex toys. It creates variety in sexual behaviour, and stimulation, as well as encourages a beginner’s mindset to something you may have done hundreds of times before.
+ They make a good thing great
Okay hear me out. Sex is good, great even, without sex toys. But in some positions, it’s just good. But I want it to be great no matter what.
Sex toys are the perfect addition to any position that you know could be better for you.
Which vibrator is best?
You've arrived at the good bit!
We've done the homework for you. It was our pleasure (literally). Here are a few options to get you started...
Rosewell
Bend
The Rosewell ‘Bend’ is a versatile toy that can change its shape so you can explore internal and external stimulation.
LBDO
Essensual Vibe
The LBDO Essensual is an ergonomic shape that is perfect for cupping in your hand and exploring with.
Cohere Studio
Roommate
The Cohere Roommate uses whisper quiet air suction stimulation that provides something softer, gentler, different.
Rosewell
Base
The Rosewell Base is a great erogenous zone explorer. Literally made to put anywhere that feels good.
Except inside your butt, don’t do that. It’ll get lost.
How to introduce sex toys with a partner
If you’re new to introducing toys into the bedroom, fear not. This is going to be fun.
Firstly, talk about it with your partners. Discuss the following:
+ Why do you want to bring toys in?
+ What are the benefits for each of you?
+ If there are hesitancies, what are they?
+ What would help you feel more comfortable about introducing toys in? E.g. one at a time, a toy that focuses on you, or the other, both of you?
If you have go-to toys you’d like to include, show them to your partner. Talk them through why you like that particular toy. Help them to understand the value this toy brings to your experience of pleasure.
If you’re introducing brand new toys, take it slow. Perhaps pick one toy to start with, and practice integrating it over multiple sexual experiences.
Sometimes it takes time for your body to learn the full benefits of a toy. So go slow, be patient, and stay curious. Practice makes proficient!
Introducing toys broadens your sexual repertoire, and provides you with a way of exploring your own and another’s pleasure. So what are you waiting for!
Aleksandra Trkulja
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